Your Perfect Woman

If I ran a matchmaking agency, it'd go something like this...
Although I think I'd run out of business in the first day.
Actually I wrote this a while back because I was frustrated with the standards some guys have for women ("What, you mean you're not perfect too?!")...
Moral of the story being: If you want THE stereotypically perfect woman, you'll probably have to settle for a fake one.

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He sits across the table from me, eyebrows knitted, evidently sick of searching all his life for The One and failing miserably. Oh, poor fellow.

I smile and open my laptop.

"Okay, so run me through your list of criteria," I begin, fingers poised over the keyboard.

He licks his lips. "She's got to be hot, obviously."

I begin typing. "Nothing new."

"Long hair, long legs, long eyelashes."

"Go on."

"But shorter than me, of course." A rather unsettling grin creeps onto his face. "Oh, and she's got to be a C cup at LEAST."

I purse my lips and mumble, "Wow, that's deep."

Unfortunately he hears me and glares at me, but he continues anyway. "And she has to have lots of stamina. You know what I mean."

I make a face behind the laptop.

Leaning back, he looks out the window. "I want her to be submissive. I can't stand a woman talking back to me."

"Of course, sir. I'm sure she's got to be the perfect woman."

He bends forward and looks me in the eye. "You gonna help me find a hot chick or not?"

"...Actually, I do have the perfect woman for you. Please excuse me for a couple of minutes."

He smirks cockily and puts his hands behind his head. "I'll be waiting right here."

---

I rap on the door five minutes later, holding a blow-up doll of epic proportions. Or maybe epic measurements. It doesn't matter.

He flings open the door and practically leaps on her. (Fortunately I step aside in time.)

"Ohoho she's real fine... WAIT."

I grin innocently. "Pardon me, sir, aren't you happy with our selection? She's perfect, you know."

"But she isn't real!" He squeezes her in a rather immodest place, almost as if to prove his point.

"Exactly. Always a pleasure to leave a customer satisfied, sir."

I smile politely and show him the bill.